Avoid Single Mom Burnout Tip #5…Give Yourself a Timeout!

timeout

Timeouts are not just for toddlers! Listen, kids stretch your patience like a gumby doll. Sometimes it’s just all too much right? The whining, the crying the back talk (if you have teens you get me), the constant running around, homework, housework, work-work, and everything else in between can seriously make you lose it. It’s okay you are only human and sometimes you just need to scream in a pillow, or just be alone for a minute. Or maybe you’ve already had enough and blew up, and everyone is looking at you like you lost your mind. It is time to put yourself in a time out! Why do we put toddlers in a timeout? Because it helps them to calm down. They may fight it at first, but usually after a few minutes, they stop crying, are breathing normally and have turned back into the sweet cherub you know and love. They may even say sorry in that adorable voice that makes your heart melt. Why? They had a moment to just sit and deal with their emotions. We need that moment every once in a while to regain some peace and restore our sanity!

In my e-Book, “15 Tips to Avoid Single Mom Burnout,” I give practical tips on finding ways to give yourself a timeout regardless of the age of your children. One of my favorite time outs, is simply sitting in the car in complete silence. That time is delicious! Finding a moment to breathe will prevent blow-ups and will save you from regrets that come when mom is burned out!

 

Avoid Single Mom Burnout, Tip # 12… Create Your Own Narrative

Greeting Photo Birthday Instagram Post (7)

There are a lot of unfair stereotypes, judgments and expectations on single moms, that are simply untrue. It is easy to get caught up into what others think about you. I want you to use discretion about who you allow to speak into your life. You are not a statistic and you are not in a box. I know many single moms who do not resemble this downtrodden struggling caricature of a false narrative. Is life hard at times? Heck yeah! And it’s hard for moms who are married, for single dads, and everyone else on earth! Single parents do face certain issues that are unique to their circumstances, but that doesn’t justify the labels that are thrust upon single moms.

Listen, you are a unique child of God! You are not a statistic and you’re identity is not in your marital status it is in Christ. You are fully equipped to create and live the life you love. Other people don’t have the right or the power to create your narrative, unless you allow them. When you allow other’s expectations, judgments and stereotypes to seep into your mind, you create feelings of inadequacy in yourself. You can start to believe and act in a way that fulfills those stereotype and you my friend are too smart for that! Your book has many chapters to fill, write them with God and the vision you have for your life in mind!

In my upcoming eBook, “15 Tips to Avoid Single Mom Burnout,” I will hit upon 4 points that will help you to create your narrative on your terms!

Avoid Single Mom Burnout Tip #10…Don’t Badmouth the Ex!

tip 10

Relationships are complex at best. Co-parenting relationship with your children’s father can add a whole new level of complexity, emotion, stress and frustration to your life. Everyone’s relationship is different. I know women who have wonderful relationships with their children’s father, so good that it is hard to believe they are divorced! On the other side of the spectrum I’ve known women who literally do not talk to their children’s father at all and have a mediator or go between. Co-parenting relationships take time, patience and respect and are filled with peaks and valleys, but what matters most are the kids. Regardless of the divorce and the relationship afterward, most people agree that they love their kids and their happiness is what is important.

Many of the moms I speak to are completely burned out, not by the responsibilities, the kids, their job, or even finances, but it is their ex! There is so much hurt, anger, bitterness, and baggage that it consumes them. It eats at them day in and day out, so they vent…and vent… and vent. Listen, I get it! Sometimes you just need to let loose, but there comes a point when you have to let go as well. When we spend our energy bad mouthing and complaining about our ex, we are still living as though we are in the relationship! Moving on and creating something new becomes impossible, because of the negativity.

Dare, I say instead of badmouthing, become the peacemaker? No one is expecting that everything will be roses overnight, but do you want to live out the next however many years in a state of anger? Bad mouthing never really makes you feel better, it leaves a residue that sticks to you. Badmouthing pricks at your spirit, and convicts you. You know in your heart that God doesn’t want us to tear one another to pieces with our words. It is especially damaging if it is done in front of the kids. The longer you bad mouth the more exhausting it becomes because negativity is poisonous and zaps our energy and our light as Christians.

Divorce is heartbreaking, whether you both agree to it or not, so if you can work at creating something new for the sake of your family, why not do it? Our kids watch us and giving them an example that is rooted in respect will have a big impact, but so does badmouthing. Galatians 5:15 says, “If you bite and devour each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other.” The enemy wants us to take a tough situation and make it worse by keeping us biting at one another until there is nothing left. Don’t allow it to happen.

I don’t know your ex or your circumstances and I’m not making light of any situation. There are some cases where an ex boyfriend or husband are physically abusive and dangerous and in those cases there is usually no relationship for reasons of physical and emotional safety. But, if that is not the case, coming to a place where you stop the badmouthing and start recreating the narrative will only be better for you and everyone involved. My number one way to do this is to pray! Ask God to bring you to  a place of peace, ask  him to heal the hurt, to bring the co-parenting relationship to a place of respect.

I can’t wait for you to dig deeper into this tip in my upcoming e-book, “15 Tips to Avoid Single Mom Burnout.” 

Avoid Single Mom Burnout Tip #3 …Say No!

Tip 3

Single Mom Burnout is serious! If you’re a single mom you know that burnout can take you out! It’s important that we reserve our energy for our sanity and the welfare of everyone around us. A burned out mom can be a scary sight! We take home the bacon, fry it up in the pan, and sometimes we forget we are a woman… not a robot programmed or capable to do a million things at once. We experience burnout when we say yes to everything. Listen, I like to please, but when I say yes, without evaluating if I have the time, money, or energy it never ends well. Well, it may go great for the people I said yes to, but I feel depleted and a little resentful if I’m being honest. This attitude defeats the whole purpose of saying yes!

Scripture tells us to let our yes mean yes and our no mean no. No is not a bad word. Saying no doesn’t indicate that you’re mean, standoffish, or selfish! Saying no means that you know when to cry uncle! You know when enough is enough and too much is too much. Saying no means you care about your wellbeing and acknowledge your limits. Saying no means you take your commitments seriously and don’t just commit without thinking it through. You give yourself peace and honor those around you when you are honest about your yes and your no’s. So, my friend stand firm and kind in your no it really is okay.

I’m excited to be launching an e-Book with my 15 Tips on Avoiding Single Mom Burnout! I’ll be giving you practical tips, prayers, and scriptures to help you avoid burning out so that you can shine your brightest as a woman of God!

Book Giveaway! Win 1 of 2 Copies of, “Mom’s House, Dad’s House”

momhousebook

One of the most challenging aspects of being a single parent is the custody schedule. It never really feels quite right to not have your kids all the time, but it is part of the whole co-parenting journey. Smooth transitions make life easier for everyone, but especially for the kids. “Mom’s House, Dad’s House,” was one of the books I found extremely useful during my transition with my daughter’s dad. If you’re in need of a little guidance I would love to give you this book!

Enter a Comment to Win 1 of 2 Copies!

Simply enter a comment, if you leave a tip on co-parenting that would be great! I’d love to compile them and put them in a blog post.

Winners will be chosen on Monday, July 2nd!