Are there days, weeks, or months, that you wonder, how on earth you will make it through? How you will pay the mortgage, put food on the table or gas in the car? Are the mount of bills piling up resembling Mount Everest? Every time you make a deposit to save, are you also making a withdraw for some unexpected expense? I’ve been there, and this month in particular seriously brought me to me knees financially!
I started a new job that I absolutely love, but I get paid monthly. I’ve been paid monthly before, but I miscalculated the pays from my previous job and it left me in a pickle, to put it mildly. I’m not a big spender, but I live in the DC metro area, which is extremely expensive. So, miscalculating a paycheck is enough to throw a serious monkey wrench in the budget. Not to mention there were unexpected expenses, such as eyeglasses for my daughter, I higher deposit for a new school, and all those little things that add up. My bank account was thin and I was struggling folks.
I felt anxious, scared, angry at myself and to be honest I was exhausted! A big part of that unrest came from not trusting in the Lord’s provision. When I was reading John 6 this morning, I was struck by the passage, 6:5, “When Jesus looked up and saw the great crowd coming toward him, he said to Philip,” Where shall we buy bread for these people to eat?” He asked this only to test him, for he already had in mind what he was going to do.” Jesus already knew what he was going to do. Philip was faced with this situation that appeared to be insurmountable! How would he feed these thousands of people?
Philip automatically went logical on Jesus, right? He said, look, 8 months wages wouldn’t be enough to feed these people! I can totally relate to his reaction, because it was the one I had this month. The impossibility of the situation was overwhelming, and logically I could not see how the dollars would stretch. Just like Philip who gazed out and saw the hoards of people with no plan to feed them.
But, Jesus had a plan! Doesn’t he always? Jesus was testing Philip. Those pesky tests, get us every time, don’t they? When we are tested whether it be in our finances, health, family, or whatever area, it isn’t God being cruel. It is the Lord showing us his awesome provision, and sovereignty in our lives. It may not feel so awesome at the time, but there is a reason for the season we are in. We often have the tendency to look for an outward solution, instead of turning to Jesus. We look at our problem with human instead of spiritual eyes. Human eyes rationalize and don’t take the spiritual in account. Spiritual eyes, see the limitless possibilities of Christ. Spiritual eyes remind us that Jesus takes our impossible situation and show his love for us through it in the most remarkable ways.
What strikes me to in John 6 is the instrument that Jesus uses to feed the people. He uses a boy with 5 small barley loaves and two small fish. I’m sure the disciples were confused and hardly convinced that mere amount was enough. But, Jesus not only made it enough he created an abundance! Notice, too , he didn’t have a rich king show up to feed the people. He used the least likely, the smallest… a child as a vehicle to show his power. How many times has Jesus used the people you’d never expect to show up, and show up big in your life! We need to remember that through tiny vessels Jesus does extraordinary things!
Through this crazy and scarce month I’ve been shown the love of Jesus through so many unexpected blessings. My new boss gave me a title change, and a $5,000 raise in 3 days! The finance office at my daughter’s new school worked with me on pushing up the first tuition payment. My 13 year old daughter earned over $250 in babysitting money, so he had her own money to spend if she wanted to hang out with friends. My parents gave me money to make up the difference on my rent (and my sweet dad, has made it a point to tell me to not worry about getting it back, but I will ). I was able to push up my car loan payment and insurance as well. God has just spread a blanket of provision and abundance over me and my daughter!
God took my barley loaves and fish, and created a full meal. Friend, he will create a full meal of provision and abundance for you too. If you are facing a tough time know this…Jesus already has a plan! I so desire for you to rest in this truth. He knows your suffering, fear, and most of all your heart. This difficult time, may be a test for you to draw closer and lean on Jesus rather than your on capabilities. He will come though! When he does I hope you sit at the table full of gratitude and enjoy and not waste any morsel of his absolute love for you.
I will be glad when August 30th rolls around and that first paycheck comes in, but I know until then and afterwards, Jesus will feed me! He always has and he always will!