The last couple weeks were difficult and my spirit took a serious beaten. I did my best to not allow what I was feeling spill over into our home, but as we know unhappiness spreads like a cancer so I have no doubt my stress was noticeable especially to the one dearest to me…my daughter. On Monday morning, I dropped Anya off at school and before she got out she handed me a drawing. It was of this woman who was crying. It caught me off guard and I asked her if it was me, but she sheepishly said no and jumped out of the car. I sat there for a few minutes staring at this portrait of sadness looking back at me and burst into tears.
Wow! Is this how my daughter saw me? A crying, sad, lonely looking woman? I mean I knew the last few weeks weren’t my best, but was it that bad? Talk about having a moment. I didn’t want Anya to envision her mom like this and I didn’t want to be unhappy any longer. I decided right there through the tears that it was time for a serious change. I knew that the reason I felt depleted was that I had allowed busyness to shift my priorities. My eyes stopped focusing on Jesus and was steadfast on all the to do’s that were nipping at my heels. I had to be honest with myself. I permitted myself to stay in a job situation that was sucking the life out of me. The demands of the job and the unexpected travel had taken its toll. I had stopped living an authentic life. Instead of focusing on what I loved to do and felt a calling to pursue, I was spending all my energy on doing what drained me. That day I made a huge decision to leave what wasn’t feeding me any longer and when I took that scary step, another opportunity that is in align with what I believe God wants me to do immediately appeared.
When Anya came home Monday afternoon, I ask her if she thought I was happy. She looks at me quizzically and says, “Yes, why?” I said, “Well you drew that picture of me crying.” She starts shaking her head, laughing and says,“Mom! That is a picture I drew in art of one of Picasso’s paintings!” LOL! Yep, it wasn’t about me after all it was all about Picasso! The point is that picture resonated with me. It wasn’t about Anya’s perception of me, it was about my perception of myself. I recognized myself in that picture…an unhappy broken woman without joy and it broke my heart! In a strange and beautiful way Anya’s drawing inspired me to change, to stop the tears, and to get in alignment with God’s will for my life. God works in hilarious miraculous ways and I’m so thankful he worked through Anya and a drawing of Picasso to get me to open my eyes, look in the mirror and intentionally make the changes that are restoring the peace that had been alluding me. Keep your eyes open you never know how God is going to speak to you! It might even be through Picasso!