Avoid Single Mom Burnout Tip #10…Don’t Badmouth the Ex!

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Relationships are complex at best. Co-parenting relationship with your children’s father can add a whole new level of complexity, emotion, stress and frustration to your life. Everyone’s relationship is different. I know women who have wonderful relationships with their children’s father, so good that it is hard to believe they are divorced! On the other side of the spectrum I’ve known women who literally do not talk to their children’s father at all and have a mediator or go between. Co-parenting relationships take time, patience and respect and are filled with peaks and valleys, but what matters most are the kids. Regardless of the divorce and the relationship afterward, most people agree that they love their kids and their happiness is what is important.

Many of the moms I speak to are completely burned out, not by the responsibilities, the kids, their job, or even finances, but it is their ex! There is so much hurt, anger, bitterness, and baggage that it consumes them. It eats at them day in and day out, so they vent…and vent… and vent. Listen, I get it! Sometimes you just need to let loose, but there comes a point when you have to let go as well. When we spend our energy bad mouthing and complaining about our ex, we are still living as though we are in the relationship! Moving on and creating something new becomes impossible, because of the negativity.

Dare, I say instead of badmouthing, become the peacemaker? No one is expecting that everything will be roses overnight, but do you want to live out the next however many years in a state of anger? Bad mouthing never really makes you feel better, it leaves a residue that sticks to you. Badmouthing pricks at your spirit, and convicts you. You know in your heart that God doesn’t want us to tear one another to pieces with our words. It is especially damaging if it is done in front of the kids. The longer you bad mouth the more exhausting it becomes because negativity is poisonous and zaps our energy and our light as Christians.

Divorce is heartbreaking, whether you both agree to it or not, so if you can work at creating something new for the sake of your family, why not do it? Our kids watch us and giving them an example that is rooted in respect will have a big impact, but so does badmouthing. Galatians 5:15 says, “If you bite and devour each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other.” The enemy wants us to take a tough situation and make it worse by keeping us biting at one another until there is nothing left. Don’t allow it to happen.

I don’t know your ex or your circumstances and I’m not making light of any situation. There are some cases where an ex boyfriend or husband are physically abusive and dangerous and in those cases there is usually no relationship for reasons of physical and emotional safety. But, if that is not the case, coming to a place where you stop the badmouthing and start recreating the narrative will only be better for you and everyone involved. My number one way to do this is to pray! Ask God to bring you to  a place of peace, ask  him to heal the hurt, to bring the co-parenting relationship to a place of respect.

I can’t wait for you to dig deeper into this tip in my upcoming e-book, “15 Tips to Avoid Single Mom Burnout.” 

Avoid Single Mom Burnout Tip #3 …Say No!

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Single Mom Burnout is serious! If you’re a single mom you know that burnout can take you out! It’s important that we reserve our energy for our sanity and the welfare of everyone around us. A burned out mom can be a scary sight! We take home the bacon, fry it up in the pan, and sometimes we forget we are a woman… not a robot programmed or capable to do a million things at once. We experience burnout when we say yes to everything. Listen, I like to please, but when I say yes, without evaluating if I have the time, money, or energy it never ends well. Well, it may go great for the people I said yes to, but I feel depleted and a little resentful if I’m being honest. This attitude defeats the whole purpose of saying yes!

Scripture tells us to let our yes mean yes and our no mean no. No is not a bad word. Saying no doesn’t indicate that you’re mean, standoffish, or selfish! Saying no means that you know when to cry uncle! You know when enough is enough and too much is too much. Saying no means you care about your wellbeing and acknowledge your limits. Saying no means you take your commitments seriously and don’t just commit without thinking it through. You give yourself peace and honor those around you when you are honest about your yes and your no’s. So, my friend stand firm and kind in your no it really is okay.

I’m excited to be launching an e-Book with my 15 Tips on Avoiding Single Mom Burnout! I’ll be giving you practical tips, prayers, and scriptures to help you avoid burning out so that you can shine your brightest as a woman of God!

My Word For 2019…Finish

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Philippians 1:6

“And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.” 

Happy New Year! I can’t  believe another year has come and gone. As I grow older the years go quicker! There were the usual joys, sorrows, gains, losses and ups and downs in 2018 and life lessons as well. Waking up today, the first day of 2019 with my daughter and dog snuggled up beside me, I felt an overwhelming gratitude for God’s great gift of life. Whether I’m going experiencing the highs or the lows, I’m grateful. I also reflected on how I’m using my life to glorify God. If I’m being honest, I experienced a lot of disappointment in 2018. I wasn’t disappointed by God, but by me. I have this aching feeling that I’m not living on purpose, that I’m holding myself back, and not jumping fully into God’s plan for my life. My unfinished list would make your head spin, so I’ll spare you!

This morning after reading scripture, I sat with God, just me and Him and asked Him to speak to my heart. I desperately needed the Lord to reveal a word, to me that would give me insight into how I needed to change my heart, transform my mind, and motivate me to not just make a fly by night resolution, but a life altering change. It’s amazing what God will reveal when you’re still and present.

The word God revealed to me was…Finish. I had to laugh because boy does my creator know His creation! Here’s the thing, I’m a pretty good starter, I think I have some good ideas, and when it comes to my daughter I finish things, but somewhere in the middle of a pursuit, I get stuck. I don’t finish. It drives me nuts, it makes me sad and disappointed and it keeps me in a rut. Not finishing actually makes me not like myself very much. Why? Because I know that I’m not in alignment with God’s will. It’s as though I’m running a steady race and then BOOM! I hit a wall. Instead of finding a way around it, I just kind of sit there, staring up and too paralyzed to move.

It reminds me of Galatians 5:7, “You were running a good race. Who cut in on you to keep you from obeying the truth?” Instead of believing the truth, that I can accomplish all things through Christ, and lean on Him, I get wrapped up into my own insecurities and it robs me from completing the race! Not only did God give me a word this morning, He went deeper with a prescription! In my heart He revealed to exactly how to finish.

F- Faith: My faith has to lie in God and not myself. I have a little problem called stubborn self-reliance, that keeps me back from the grace of faith.

I- Intentional: I have to be deliberate about finishing and not just starting. Discipline, preparation and action have a played a big role for my lack of finishing.

N- Now: The time is not in the next couple days, or month, or later, it is now. Too often I plan for the future without taking the steps in the now. Two years later I’m talking about what I plan to do instead of just doing it!

I-Inspiration: Surrounding and immersing myself in what inspires me is key. I need to refine my vision and be inspired by it every day. Keeping inspiration in front of my eyes, in my heart will help me to manifest it in my life. Also, finding inspiration through reading God’s word and being inspired by His  truths and not the lies the enemy wants me to believe about myself and my gifts.

S-Self Control: God made it clear that discipline, wise choices, and the willingness to stop doing what I know produces the same results will keep me from hitting that wall and give me the endurance to finish. My procrastination is a direct result of my lack of self-control.

H-Hope: God revealed to me that I need to renew my hope. Even in the failures, I have to remember my testimony, my cloud of witnesses and the truth that is hope that lies in Jesus Christ my Savior.

Will finishing be easy? No, after all habits, are hard to break, but I do know that God didn’t reveal this to me for me to fail. He has already equipped me for victory, for purpose and to finish what I start. I pray that you have a wonderful 2019 overflowing with blessings, gratitude and a renewed sense of purpose!

Look Through a Different Lens and Change Your Life!

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Are you tired of getting the same results? Bored with the same routines and habits that leave you feeling depleted? Are you ready to not just have potential, but to actually live on purpose? Then it may be time look at life through a different lens. Changing our life sometimes requires us to change the lens we are looking though? Maybe you need a wider lens, one that allows you to see beyond what is in front of you. How is your spiritual lens? Do you see the bigger plan that God has in store for you? Or is your current lens blocking the full scope of His will for your life?

A new year around the corner and many of us will make resolutions and break them within the month. Why? We are creatures of habit, routines, and not necessarily ones that push us forward, but the ones that keep you comfortable, complacent and stuck! When you reflect on 2018, do you feel that you lived your best life? Did you step outside the box? Did you dare to do different or better? Do you actually see how important you are to the kingdom of God and are you contributing your spiritual gifts to build it up? God has an amazing picture for your life but, you have to look through the correct lens to bring it to fruition! If your vision is limited your life will be limited. Decide this year, this moment to get a long wide lens that will allow you to see beyond even your expectations, and see the bigger picture, the bigger you that is fully equipped to live a life that reflects the handiwork of your Father! Change your lens and you will change your life!