The Devil In My Ear

It is almost Thanksgiving and boy do I have alot to be thankful for in my life. I am totally aware of how blessed I am and thank God for his favor upon my family’s head. This weekend was a good weekend. For one, I spent literally all weekend in church. Friday evening I went to a workshop about teaching bible study classes, Saturday morning I was back at the church to help assemble Thanksgiving baskets and then back to workshop, then I went to Sunday worship and bible study. It was a great weekend that was filled with the things I love which is church, God, and friends. The only thing that was missing was Anya (she was at her dad’s house). All was well today I hung out with a friend after church and we went to a great open house, did I tell you I am obsessed with open houses? Yes, I love walking through other people’s homes! Then we had a yummy treat and I headed home. Then all of a sudden I felt a dark cloud emerging on the horizon. I’m not sure what the catalyst was, but there it was just looming over me threatening to pour all over my sunny day.

All of a sudden the negative chatter started and it sounded like this, “You are 40 years old, so what have you done that is so great? You don’t even own your own house? You keep making wrong choices, look at your past choices, just imagine where you’d be if you didn’t make those stupid mistakes? You still don’t make the salary you want and the job you thought you wanted is nothing like you thought it would be! You haven’t heard back on your book and that probably won’t happen either. Who are you kidding you are an okay writer at best. Look at that savings account it is is pitiful! If you didn’t make bad relationship choices maybe you would be married. You can’t stick with anything, you have no focus. You are pretty worthless.” Okay, do you get the idea, I had the devil in my ear ladies!

My mom called and she could hear my voice shaking, she asked what was wrong and basically I ran down the list above. I cried… alot. As always my mom has a way of calming me down and reminding me that first of all I am worthy because I am a child of Christ. She told me that Satan wants to make me feel unworthy, he wants me to dwell in my past mistakes, he wants me to take my focus off of God and put it back in the world. As any good mom does she assured me that I have accomplished alot and have come a far way, but what was most important is how much I grew in my faith and in my walk with God, that is where the real accomplishment is she told me. See, all in this world will fall away and what is left is your salvation in the Lord. When you draw nearer to God the harder Satan works to come in between your relationship with the Lord. He will make you doubt yourself, your blessings, and your walk with the Lord. She said, “Chere when you are being attacked you have to immediately equip yourself with your spiritual armor, start praying and get your nose in the scriptures. Don’t you dare let that devil get in your ear.”

She countered all my stinking thinking by reminding me that although I don’t own my house, I have a lovely home that has a yard for Anya to play in and has been host to many parties and many memories. I have had articles published in a magazine and I wrote a section in a book that led to a major Publishing Company asking for my book proposal in the first place! Then there are you readers, who I connect with and enjoy immensely. Sure the job may not be ideal but it is supporting me and Anya. The savings account may not be fat but I do pay over 2 grand a month in rent and still manage to keep Anya in a private school. Yes, mistakes were made in relationship choices, but hasn’t that made me wait on the Lord when it comes to choosing a mate? Yes it has. She said many other things that reminded me of how blessed I am and that God isn’t done with me yet!

After I wiped my eyes, took a hot shower and listened to a sermon podcast from my church I prayed. Because I realized that I do have insecurities, vulnerabilities, anxieties and fear and all those are very real, but instead of giving them over to Satan and letting him play his little wicked game I’m going to give them over to God and let him do his work in me. Instead of feeling hopeless I’m going to fight to be hopeful. I’m going to put my faith in God and seek him in all circumstances and be thankful that I have a Savior who understands me because he created me and loves me. God is enough and I am so eternally grateful for that.

(P.S I will post some happy posts, but I gotta keep it real too!)

Comments

  1. Joyful Jeanine says

    I can totally relate. Working though that now.The devil telling me that I am a big mess up, bad mom, not worthy of good relationships ect. I agree with your mom. Pray. I too believe the devil does this out of jealousy, he envies your closeness with god and like one scorned, he is trying to start drama. If he can, he feels like You make eventually give up on god and be in the same state he is. lost,misery loves company.Don’t. Please remember it is always darkest before sunrise. Agape.

  2. says

    This weekend the devil was busy…hhmmm may him not so happy about holiday season this year?

    I found myself under mental attack this weekend as well and it is unusual for me to feel so hopeless.

    It is not insecurities that frustrate me. I can lay those things at the cross. It is my human passions and frustrations that can be inflamed.

    Why can’t I have what I want now and if not now when? I have been promised many things and my future is bright but ugh getting there…

    My choices can’t stop my blessings and God is not mad at me but I am still miserable and isolated.

    Pout! Those thoughts coupled with some hormones and it was a dark time. I was tempted to stray in thoughts and actions. I kept from acting out but maybe only because I am so isolated…

    Something is happening bigger than us. Be blessed and encouraged. We are here for a purpose and many times that does not make sense from our vantage point. Thankfully God’s view is not ours ;>

  3. Anonymous says

    Thank you for posting this. I feel the same way many days lately. I am a mother of 2 a 13yr old girl and a 11yr old boy. Many days I question have I given them all they need. There are so many challenges that they face on a daily basis I want to equipt them with what they need to be productive adults!

    Also I have graduated from nursing school but cant seem to pass my nursing boards. I have studied and prayed while studying, before/during the exam and afterwards. But just cant seem to pass this licensure exam to be a R.N. My self-esteem has been effected greatly and some days I feel really depressed. I know its Satan and I do pray at times but I must admit other times I just sit and stay in that mind set of sadness and feeling alone.
    I graduated with a Bachelors degree in Nursing and I am not using it.
    As the saying goes I am robbing Peter to pay Paul. The bill are piling up! Student loans are due…I am drowning in debit, praying my lights dont get cutoff!I just feel like such a mess!
    I know its Satan but I cant seem to shake the negative feelings. They always seem to resurface.
    Please share some helpful hints to get over this hump and pray for me!
    Thank you for your help!

    Mom of TWO

  4. says

    Mom of TWO, let me say this you are doing enough for your children because you are LOVING THEM! It is us who feels as though we have to do so much more for our children then we really need to do. All they really want is to feel loved and safe and if you give them that it doesn’t matter if you live in a card board box it is enough! God is going to get you through this season in life! This is a season and it is going to past and not only will it past God is going to show you how he works,he is going to pull you through this storm and your faith is going to be strenghtened and matured. Remember don’t lose faith! Think about what God has done for you so far! You will pass that test! You got your BA degree and don’t you think God had a hand in that? God’s hand is in your life and he wants you to depend on him. So my friend, my sister lean into God not yourself and not the devil’s whisper because the devil is a LIAR and he wants to draw you away from the Lord. Here is what I suggest:
    -When you start feeling depressed get on your knees and pray. Ask God to intervene. Pray for peace and guidance. Never cease praying!
    -Read the bible. Keep your bible with you all the time!! Get a pocket one if need be, and have some scriptures ready to read that give you encouragement.
    -Listen to sermons! Go to Charles Stanley and listen to some of this radio archives, you will be so uplifted.
    -Talk to another spiritually mature Christian, whether it is a friend, pastor, or counselor who can encourage you.
    -Hug your kids. Look at the precious gift God has given you and wrap yourself up in their unconditional love.

    I will pray for you. Please feel free to email me. My email address is cherewill72@aol.com.

    May God bless you and strengthen you. Remember through your brokenness will come healing and wholeness. God is molding you my friend, trust in him.
    God bless you,
    Chere

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