It is almost Thanksgiving and boy do I have alot to be thankful for in my life. I am totally aware of how blessed I am and thank God for his favor upon my family’s head. This weekend was a good weekend. For one, I spent literally all weekend in church. Friday evening I went to a workshop about teaching bible study classes, Saturday morning I was back at the church to help assemble Thanksgiving baskets and then back to workshop, then I went to Sunday worship and bible study. It was a great weekend that was filled with the things I love which is church, God, and friends. The only thing that was missing was Anya (she was at her dad’s house). All was well today I hung out with a friend after church and we went to a great open house, did I tell you I am obsessed with open houses? Yes, I love walking through other people’s homes! Then we had a yummy treat and I headed home. Then all of a sudden I felt a dark cloud emerging on the horizon. I’m not sure what the catalyst was, but there it was just looming over me threatening to pour all over my sunny day.
All of a sudden the negative chatter started and it sounded like this, “You are 40 years old, so what have you done that is so great? You don’t even own your own house? You keep making wrong choices, look at your past choices, just imagine where you’d be if you didn’t make those stupid mistakes? You still don’t make the salary you want and the job you thought you wanted is nothing like you thought it would be! You haven’t heard back on your book and that probably won’t happen either. Who are you kidding you are an okay writer at best. Look at that savings account it is is pitiful! If you didn’t make bad relationship choices maybe you would be married. You can’t stick with anything, you have no focus. You are pretty worthless.” Okay, do you get the idea, I had the devil in my ear ladies!
My mom called and she could hear my voice shaking, she asked what was wrong and basically I ran down the list above. I cried… alot. As always my mom has a way of calming me down and reminding me that first of all I am worthy because I am a child of Christ. She told me that Satan wants to make me feel unworthy, he wants me to dwell in my past mistakes, he wants me to take my focus off of God and put it back in the world. As any good mom does she assured me that I have accomplished alot and have come a far way, but what was most important is how much I grew in my faith and in my walk with God, that is where the real accomplishment is she told me. See, all in this world will fall away and what is left is your salvation in the Lord. When you draw nearer to God the harder Satan works to come in between your relationship with the Lord. He will make you doubt yourself, your blessings, and your walk with the Lord. She said, “Chere when you are being attacked you have to immediately equip yourself with your spiritual armor, start praying and get your nose in the scriptures. Don’t you dare let that devil get in your ear.”
She countered all my stinking thinking by reminding me that although I don’t own my house, I have a lovely home that has a yard for Anya to play in and has been host to many parties and many memories. I have had articles published in a magazine and I wrote a section in a book that led to a major Publishing Company asking for my book proposal in the first place! Then there are you readers, who I connect with and enjoy immensely. Sure the job may not be ideal but it is supporting me and Anya. The savings account may not be fat but I do pay over 2 grand a month in rent and still manage to keep Anya in a private school. Yes, mistakes were made in relationship choices, but hasn’t that made me wait on the Lord when it comes to choosing a mate? Yes it has. She said many other things that reminded me of how blessed I am and that God isn’t done with me yet!
After I wiped my eyes, took a hot shower and listened to a sermon podcast from my church I prayed. Because I realized that I do have insecurities, vulnerabilities, anxieties and fear and all those are very real, but instead of giving them over to Satan and letting him play his little wicked game I’m going to give them over to God and let him do his work in me. Instead of feeling hopeless I’m going to fight to be hopeful. I’m going to put my faith in God and seek him in all circumstances and be thankful that I have a Savior who understands me because he created me and loves me. God is enough and I am so eternally grateful for that.
(P.S I will post some happy posts, but I gotta keep it real too!)