One of the aspects I dread every year when it comes to being a single mom is splitting up the holidays. It will never ever feel natural for me NOT to have my child with me during anytime of the year and especially the holidays, like Christmas. I know that it is important that children spend time with both their parents during the year and during holidays, and I think it is hard on everyone because we love our kids and want to spend those precious moments with them. Is it a little selfish? Maybe, but honestly it still breaks my heart to have Anya leave me at anytime. This year it has become even more complex than in the past because her father is married with a new baby and a step daughter so there are even more people to consider. Although she has spent Christmas with both of us in the past he now wants her to spend the night on either Christmas Eve or Day. Do I have a problem with this? Not really, the issue is my daughter has a problem with this arrangement.
Of course my daughter wants to spend time with her dad and her new brother (especially the brother and who can blame her babies are adorable!) and she loves her dad, but she doesn’t want to stay the night either evening. It is difficult because although I do want to be fair to him, she is my main priority and I will always put her first. I’m trying to get her psyched about spending the night but so far to no avail. Her dad comes from the place that although he takes her feelings into consideration, she’ll get over it and be fine once she gets there. I realized in this situation that it isn’t about EITHER ONE OF US she is the one in a situation being forced to do something she doesn’t want to do. I’m sure she will be fine, but it doesn’t make it any easier for her. This is the part I hate when the kids are in the middle.
I’ve decided that I’m going to make the best out of this situation and celebrate every day with her, by continuing our traditions and celebrating Christmas and Jesus as much as we can. We always have a fabulous time time before the holidays, and we’ll continue to do so. I will continue to encourage her to be happy about spending time there, and try my best not to make a difficult situation even more painful for anyone involved. As a mom I believe that is my job, to protect my daughter, to allow her to experience a fulfilling relationship with her father and to encourage her to want to spend time with him, and to take the high road. I also know that Christmas is meant to bring out the best in us, not the pettiness so if any of you are facing a similar situation I hope we can truly remember Jesus, especially now and try to reflect in our actions how he would expect for us to act.. like him with love and compassion. Hopefully, one day we will come to a place that our families can spend Christmas Eve together and my daughter will not be pulled in different directions that is my prayer, but until then I’m going to pray that God guides me, and give us all the ability to be kind to one another and to give peace to my little girl’s heart.